Check this Out

Blink by REVIVE (on YouTube). Good Friend texted me this a.m. and said she heard this and thought of me! Wanted to share. Lyrics say it all!

Its the Little Things

Yesterday was a good day! I think I did most everything on my plan list : I went for a walk while listening to my favorite Christian music (still multi-tasking!), laughed with some great friends, spent time with Wonderful Man, looked for a job, made contacts. Fell short on the helping people so will double my efforts today. Oh, and I guess I didn't quite make it to the kitchen!!!

Reflecting on how I got here, I think something missing from my life was failure to appreciate the little things:

• Yesterday a.m. during my walk, I saw a mommy-duck with about 10-12 little ducklings making their way from nest to water. Daddy-duck paced the ground between the trail and water. I made him nervous, I know, BUT I watched them for several minutes just enjoying the wonder of it.
• I've always worked, kids in daycare or with nanny until Boy 1 could safely care for Boy 2. Yesterday a.m. Boy 2 asked me "So, what are WE going to do today?" (My emphasis!) Hmmm.....how many years did I miss of that? (Note: Boy 2 is 15; Boy 1 is 19)
• I've twice been able to offer my help to different people in semi-crisis and it felt good to know that my schedule did not get in the way.

In recent months, I reflected on how my life was going and what purpose it would serve at the end. What could anyone really say about my life (outside of family) except "She worked.....A lot!". And for what? So a group of greedy, corporate executives could add to their bottom line? To be fair, I was well compensated....but it was starting to feel like "dancing with the devil". (Side note: In recent days, I've actually conversed with the CEO who emphasized his ANGER at me sending my resignation to the Board. Hmmmm.....This seems to solidify my reason for resigning. And on what planet is he living where a CFO doesn't resign to the Board???) The current economic crisis and past incidents (Enron) seem to be fueled by corporate greed. The push for earnings causes too many people to cross the line. NOT ME!

I'm doubly-committed today to keep moving forward with my plan. With the help of God, Wonderful Man, and truly great friends, I will get through this. I will be a better person, richer in spirit and purpose. Have a great Friday.....and please keep reading. Keeps me from living in Pity-Party mode.

Helpful tip: As I was cancelling my security system, they kept offering to reduce the price!!! Its a $30 service, and they eventually dropped it to $20 - which would be a savings of $120 per year - had I not cancelled. I am surprised by this because I wasn't aware these kinds of things are negotiable. I am going to re-examine some other items and if I find other such things - I will share!!

Time for a Plan

Okay, so there are probably many out there who think, "She should have had the plan FIRST before she quit her job!!!!", but then I wouldn't have started a blog (do not comment on that!) and what fun would that be? And if you remember yesterday's post, I screwed up the semi-plan I did have. I remember a friend once telling me, "Plans are overrated!" I'm kind of banking on that....literally.

Here's my plan. For this to work, I have to attack it two ways. First is to immediately reduce and eliminate all unnecessary spending. Second, is to find a job that will provide financially without sucking the life out of me. Specifically my thoughts are:

• DO NOT BE AFRAID.
• Research the keyboard on my MAC PRO (ha, ha!!!)
• Contact everyone I know to tell them of my new life and ASK for any help, support, advice
• Spend time every day in each of the following: reflection on my faith; helping others; caring for myself; laughing; spending time with my Wonderful Man
• With remainder of time: look for a new job; research ways to save money; blog
• Re-discover my kitchen (note: Wonderful Man is laughing hysterically when he reads this one!!! )

And that's as far as I've got. Two side notes:

1. Besides Wonderful Man, I have two Wonderful Boys (Boy 1 and Boy 2) and two Wonderful Dogs (Dog 1 and Dog 2). I'm sure they will show up here sometime!
2. As I discover any real money-saving or housecleaning or other helpful tips - I will share with you because that's only fair. Below is first:

I'm not big on magazines. Only one I always read is "Real Simple". http://www.realsimple.com/ Good website too! They have fabulous tips on products and cleaning. My favorite part is New Uses for Old Things. Who knew that toothpaste (non-gel) could be used to clean tarnished metals as well as a hand deodorizer after you've peeled onions or garlic? Too Cool!!!

Cyberspace Idiot

So, I've hit the wall. Decided to walk away from a job I used to love. I was at the cliff's edge, striving to maintain a little balance (dignity?). I was done. Not coming back. And in an emotional (why does that have to happen?) phone call, I make it be known that I will not be back.

The calm voice on the other end - someone I respect - wants me to step back, breathe (I think he sees the cliff too!!!) and just take a couple days to think. We will talk in the a.m. Okay - but when I wake the next morning (Wednesday) I am ticked....still angry at this job that has sucked the life out of me! I write my resignation letter, addressed to the Board of Directors and Owners, full of indignation and outrage, and ...leave it in that little-understood folder called DRAFTS. Phone rings. Again, calm voice telling me to reconsider, what can they do, take the weekend to reconsider. In a firm and unemotional voice (Yea!!) I emphatically say NO - I will not do that to my family because we are leaving for a long-anticipated family wedding. I will call him back in a couple hours. Back to computer. Pull up resignation letter, remove some of the indignation, correct some grammar and ...return it to that little-understood folder called DRAFTS.

Emails are exchanged, could we please meet and discuss, tell them what needs to change. (For the record, that had already occurred....several times.) But I outlined issues and agreed to meet on Thursday. Received a couple of other emails that made me realize this was not a good plan and by Thursday a.m. had decided that I would resign at our meeting but would try and work with the principals for a suitable transition and amicable parting.

The insane irony of what happens next is that it was caused by main issue with my job: too many responsibilities. Working in normal crisis/multi-tasking mode, I flipped between applications on my MAC as quickly as possible so my morning could stay on track.

Side Note: I have only had my MACBOOK Pro for a couple of months and its different, (eg., delete works more like backspace) and there are lots of hidden "control" and "command" keys that I don't fully understand....kind of like that little-understood DRAFT Folder!!!!

While awaiting a response on unrelated topic, I decide to clean up email. I determine the resignation letter stored in that little-understood DRAFT folder is no longer needed as my thought is we will write something jointly. I pulled it up and......well, I am not completely sure, I thought I deleted it.

Start getting ready, feeling confident in my choice, when I receive the strangest text....something about an Email. Decide to call the calm voice....."What Email?" I say. Hesitation, and a terse "the one where you resigned?" I race to the computer. I look at my screen, relief!.....Email is still in that little-understood DRAFT folder. "No - I didn't send anything", I say. "Yes, you did." the previously calm voice says in his new terse voice. I pull up my sent items .....and there is a COPY of what was also in that little-understood DRAFT folder. Okay - not proud of this but very, very bad words (well really only one - just said over and over) came out of my mouth as I realized the implications. I keep saying, "But I deleted it...I never meant to send it". I start to hyperventilate and have to hang up the phone. This is not how I want to go out. I am a professional. I leave jobs on good terms. Always.

I have a glimmer of hope...the RECALL feature. Maybe, just maybe I can pull it back from those in New York and Tokyo. I've always wondered about this feature because its never worked for me and well, it didn't work this time either. After all if you get a message that says "so-and-so would like to recall this message. Do you accept?" don't you just want to read it more????

Well, from here I try and call the previously calm but now terse voice as well as the CEO. I send Texts and emails and leave voice mails. All messages contain a sincere apology and acknowledge that I'm an idiot - because you can't argue that! BUT concern for my reputation and the company meant we needed to work together, contact the Board, etc. I tried contacting them for at least an hour. NO RESPONSE. Within 20 minutes, I am locked out of our systems (email, etc).

And so, by 10 a.m. I realize this is a done deal. I now have to tell my wonderful man how screwed up I've left things and because he's the wonderful man, he tells me its okay. (Special thanks as well to a good friend who spent time with me that day helping me to calm down.)

So, I want to know about your experiences with misdirected electronic messages. I want to know if anyone has ever had the RECALL feature actually work. Maybe I am just wanting to feel that I'm not the only Cyber-Idiot out there. (Note: I still have no idea how the email was sent!) Add comments, Please!!!

From "What was I Thinking" to "Hell, Yes!!" in 10 seconds or less (repeat all day)

So the title accurately describes my mental state right now: Little unstable, second-guessing my decision - and in the next moment empowered and free. Its that second part I'm focusing on....when I'm not drinking (just kidding - I'm really not focusing!!)

The empowered and free part means NO dwelling on what has past. No regrets - smile on my face - looking to God and saying "Ok, we are moving on to Plan B. Please clue me in when You think I should be paying attention!!" I will visit the past only for the purpose of putting this blog in context.

I've been in the corporate world since I was 19. Even though it was the 80's (yes - I had big hair!), I was on an upward path all the way to 2002. Enron's collapse impacted my position; rather than staying on, I chose severance and took my first "sharp left" in working life. The conversation with my husband went something like this:

ME: Honey, I am going to leave corporate life which is providing a great salary & benefits for our family and sell real estate which is 100% commission based with no benefits. (Side note: Did I mention I am an accountant and they generally don't take risks!!!)

JEFFERY: Whatever you want sweetheart - We will be fine and you will do well! (Side note: Did I mention how wonderful this man is!!!)

And we did ....within one year, earnings were back and while life wasn't very scheduled, it was good.

While starting real estate, I also did some consulting and tax work. My focus was real estate and four years later I had only one consulting client, and they all seemed to buy houses!!! They sold a majority interest in the company, I came on as Controller which then turned into CFO. A couple great years and then the real "fun" starts: results not good, pressure from corporate parent (whose results are not good!), battles with management over accountability for values, extremely long hours which includes many weekends and evenings. You eventually hit a limit where you either have to sell your soul to the devil or walk away. Thank you God and Jeffery for showing me the path. This time the conversation went like this.....

ME: I think I am losing it. I seriously don't think I can take this much longer. But how can I replace my salary in this economy?

JEFFERY: QUIT. I want my wife back. We will be fine and you will do well (Side note: Did I mention how wonderful this man is?)

Now tomorrow I am going to tell you HOW I quit which is crazier than anything and will demonstrate just how close I was to that breakdown.

A start

Today is the first day......tomorrow the first post!