Reflection

 I am reflecting on the last couple of weeks and exactly how my world has been "rocked", realizing that I have kind of moved from shock to anger (and back again - repeatedly) to a slight sense of calm and peace.  In response to this change, I :

• Gathered the Troops (contacted group of people and asked for their support as I work through this unexpected change.  I highly recommend this step!   THANKS TO ALL!!!)
• Made a Plan (because this is what I do.  I  Plan. )
• Laughed and Cried (get those emotions working right away to get some balance back!!)
• Started a Blog (vehicle to keep me on track and sane, share some mis-steps with people so they don't make same mistakes)

The interesting thing about the Blog is I LOVE WRITING IT!!!   So many books and articles about changing your life recommend writing your goals and journaling your progress, and yes, I've tried it before.   But this time.....there are a few of you who I've bullied into reading this, so now its like this light for me to get to every morning.   A place where I can just let it out, and in writing it out, some kind of message comes through!!   People have been journaling forever.....

For this purpose I determined to keep an account of the voyage, and to write down punctually every thing we performed or saw from day to day, as will hereafter appear.  Christopher Columbus

....and he discovered the New World!!!   Imagine what could happen here!!  Granted New Worlds are pretty limited these days unless we want to venture into the final frontier of Space.   But the possibilities are endless.   Maybe we will create the next home-business sensation or perhaps the latest kitchen gadget to be sold for the low price of $9.99 (but wait if you order now, we will also send you a copy of the best-selling Blog (ha ha ha!!)).  Kitchen gadget probably a stretch for me given my history there!   (Side note:  I once told Boy1 and Boy 2 to get busy coming up with the next Pokemon sensation.  They actually sat down and started drawing characters.  Very Sweet!)

Or maybe we will simply discover a simple approach to life that allows for a sense of accomplishment each day that has nothing to do with a bank account.   :D  (Side note:  that's a happy face smiling really wide!  I had to ask Boy 2, what does a  : with a capital D mean?   I thought it was some kind of code, as I read the young and hip people using it on Facebook!  He had difficulty keeping straight face as he told me.  I like it.   I am smiling really wide right now!)

There are so many worse things that can happen in life besides loss of a job.  It is just a job!  People suffer illnesses, loss of loved ones, struggle with relationships, etc.   That's the big stuff.   This is a hill compared to those mountains.  And I know that.  Its all about keeping it in perspective.   So these past two weeks have been the base layer, leveling out, creating a more stable (let's hope!) foundation.   Next week - need to look and share my fears and faults (hmmm, will a week be long enough?  It will have to be the Reader's Digest condensed version!) Then, I need to figure out just what am I going to do????

Thanks for reading....Have a Great Weekend.

Free Time

As my computer turned on and went to main screen, my calendar popped up.

It said:

WOW! I don't think I can remember the last time this happened in my life. Even when I was on vacation, there were items on my calendar that needed handling in some fashion.

It actually freaked me out. "What if Free Today shows up every day and I never have any TO DO items again?" So, I'm confused. Isn't that what we should aspire to, a life where we are Free Today? My reaction caught me off guard and I'm hoping that its really only fear of the unknown that's holding me back from embracing this whole concept.

Fear - my fears in particular - need to be addressed SOON. But I've noticed a lack of fear from many people I care about. People who are pursuing their passions and I am inspired!!!!

My niece recently earned the lead in an Indi Film (Paid!!!) Another niece is writing a novel (and blogging about it - LOL probably only took her 5 minutes to set up!) Another is moving to Korea to teach. Boy 1 is giving all he has to pursue his musical dream (www.myspace.com/mutetheidol, I like "Wishful Thinking".)

I did not possess the confidence at their ages to go for what I wanted - I took the safe route. So, I applaud them. I support them 110% to go after their dreams. There's no failure when you pursue your dream and passion; Failure is when you don't try at all. But I don't think its too late for me. I need to find my passion and go for it!!

So, here's to trying, here's to living, and here's to a calendar that says "Free Today"!!!

Side Note: Found the kitchen yesterday. Made dinner for my Wonderful Man. He Liked It!!!!!

Ups and Downs

So, yesterday was just a little overwhelming. It started off with my pantry cleaning and yes, many items were out of date. And, I didn't even touch the spices or cookie decorations. I was then off to dental appointment - had to get two fillings not just one - Oh Joy! So of course I am concerned about the cost (as I should be!) and leave in a sour mood. I walk out with half my face numb from my chin to my eyes. My smile looked like a crazy person - who knows what they thought at Wal-Mart. I probably had security following me and didn't even know it.

Side Note: I am working like crazy to get all doctor and dentist appointments complete by month end, as well as prescription refills because we will have to change insurance. And don't even get me started on premiums and what's covered and what isn't because its such a racket!!!!! I have one prescription that's always cost me around $60 to refill and that's with insurance. I asked them to check to see full price and the computer said..... it was only $7 with my insurance!!! She asked if I wanted to refill it - I said YES - how many can I get? Sadly only one - but I will take the small victory!

Grocery shopping at Wal-Mart was fairly uneventful. I had printed about $10 of coupons on-line from Coupons.com (pretty slick actually!) but Wal-Mart didn't have most sizes or brands!!!! Tried out some of their store label items ("Great Value") and will be interested to hear the verdict from Boy 1 and Boy 2 who are the ultimate consumers of cereal. They think its a food group that requires 4 daily servings!! Seriously, when they were young they used to say "Mom, will you make cereal for dinner?" And, I would look into those bright and pleading eyes and say with a serious sigh, "Well, if you REALLY want it and promise to be quiet while Mom makes it, I will" laughing silently all the way to the kitchen. And I wonder why my kids need therapy!!! (Just kidding!!)

And then, my day kind of fell apart because I was contacted by my previous employer about my final check and had to spend time arguing over additional two days of vacation which are due me! And, of course, I had to tell them where to go find the information that would show that I was right!!! I am struggling because every time they contact me, my blood boils and I just get angry and upset all over! And then those around me get angry and upset!! I just want it to stop. I want to move on and need to keep reminding myself that those emotions are what I was living EVERY DAY for at least the past six months, not to mention the stress. So as I write this I am hovering between "The Plan" (stay positive, look for more purpose) and a feeling of "how will I ever get through this", kind of like a dark cloud is hovering over my head!!

So every time today I start feeling the shadow of the dark cloud, I am going to click my heels three times and say "I am Free and in Control" which I hope puts me back on track with The Plan. Hmm....maybe I need some new Ruby Slippers????? As only we girls know, new shoes can turn grey skies blue!!

Out with the Old

Remember the plan that included re-discovering my kitchen? No, I haven't actually cooked yet. That's going to take some working up to. I did clean out my cabinets, however, washing the shelves and reorganizing a bit. Yesterday, I decided to clean out the refrigerator. Grocery shopping has been a bit neglected lately, and I just needed to get a handle on those left-overs (meaning how long had they been in there: since before resigning my job or before Christmas?)

So, I start with the shelves in the door. Milk has a current date - looking good so far. Move on to the condiment caddy, and it immediately goes downhill. Mustard that should have been thrown away in January. Teriyaki sauce has no date, but for the life of me can't remember ever eating anything that required Teriyaki sauce, so it has to go. And, why exactly are there three bottles of ranch dressing?

I have no idea why there are three. What I do know is that two were well past their date with one actually showing "purchase by 12/2008" 2008!!!!!!! How does that happen? I know I have cleaned out the refrigerator since then. So perhaps it lurked in the pantry until pulled out by Boy 1 or Boy 2 - the consumers of ranch dressing in our home - with no regard for the date. What kind of Mother am I? So today's plan is to clean out the pantry - specifically looking for expired items - and then educate the Wonderful Family as to importance of noticing dates. (Side note: What exactly is in Ranch dressing that it can be used this long after its date and no one is ill? Makes you wonder. Boy 1 and Boy 2 will not hear that observation out of me, however, because a hungry teenage boy will throw caution out the window if he thinks the odds are with him!!!)

The rest of the cleaning went well. Only minimal amounts of penicillin in leftovers!!! Now its all organized and clean and......bare. So the grocery store is on my list today as well - after the pantry purge - so I know what's really needed. In my previous life, making a grocery list involved a quick (almost painful) glance in, a shuffling of contents, making a quick list, and of course, forgetting whatever the main item was I needed most.

Its a good feeling to look at the shelves and cabinets and see things lined up and know what I have and what I need, knowing that the old has been purged and is no longer a danger to anyone. Kind of like what I'm doing in the rest of my life. This simple chore provides me with a sense of control and confidence. (As well as potentially avoiding trips to the emergency room for suspected Botulism!!!)

Have a great Tuesday!

Direction

This weekend was spent taking Boy 2 to basketball tournament 1 1/2 hours away. It started Friday, wrapping up on Sunday. Our first trip on Friday night included a detour and lane closure which put our arrival time at risk. The Garmin had tried to take us another way which would have avoided the construction - but because we are so smart, we ignored - and laughed while the British voice from Garmin-girl kept saying "Re-Calculating" multiple times!!!! I think she heard us laughing and did not appreciate because while we were stuck in traffic, she kept adding 10-minute increments to our arrival time.

On Sunday, Garmin-girl took us a completely different route and having recognized her super-powers, we listened. A county road with many curves and houses set back in groves of trees; actually a very relaxing drive. We could see people heading to church and the few church parking lots we passed were full. Folks were out mowing and tending to lawns in the morning sunshine. We didn't see many cars. I contemplated how nice it was to take a "road less travelled" and just take in the quietness.

Out of the quiet, I hear from Garmin-girl that we should turn at an upcoming intersection. Wonderful Man says, "I'm going to go straight". Hmmmm. I look at Garmin; I see no highway going straight. How do we know where this road will take us? How does he know this road will even get to the highway we need? What if it dead-ends? Now, I express all these thoughts OUT LOUD. Quickly. Because we are now at stop sign. Wonderful Man goes straight. "Re-Calculating" I hear from Garmin-girl. And soon, again, she wants us to turn at next intersection. Again, Wonderful Man goes straight. Again, I make my objections (little more loudly now!) known. I still don't see the highway on the screen!!!! Again, "Re-Calculating". (Forgot to mention, besides Boy 2 in car, we have Boy 2's friend and both are chuckling as we "discuss" the issue!)

Suddenly on the Garmin screen a Highway appears which will intersect with our road. Yes, it is the right highway. Yes, Garmin-girl has settled down and provides proper direction which Wonderful Man follows. Wonderful Man only says I told you so once! I smile sheepishly, admit my defeat, and remind myself that I need to remember to trust this Wonderful Man. He has never let me down yet and gets us where we need to be!

So this weekend I was reminded there can be a great sense of peace and calm in the road less travelled. As well, I need to let those I trust handle the navigation, most certainly remembering that God has ALL maps and plans for my future. He may also say "Re-Calculating" when I fail to listen, but He will always help me get back on the right track.

I'm ready for my week and will stay with my plan. THANKS FOR ALL THE SUPPORT.