Best Intentions

Image by Lisa{santacrewsgirl} via Flickr

I have these.   All the time.  Things I am going to get done.   Things I keep with the idea of re-purposing them.    And, of course, reconnecting with people I haven't seen or talked to in some time.   Best Intentions.

I guess if they got done - they wouldn't be "intentions" would they?


As I de-clutter my life, I am losing some of my "best intentions" by choice.   Craft project half done, a vase and flowers purchased to go with other things, home decor from the 80's (why I kept these I have no idea!).   So, no problem losing the "best intentions" that are taking up physical space.  What seems to be growing are the things I intend to get done but don't.   Today, I had best intentions to tackle another closet and here it is - late in the evening and the closet is untouched.  This is just not a good week for me.   I think in some ways, getting things done has provided me a surrogate purpose for my daily life.   And this week, I can't even get that accomplished.


So tonight I am wanting to scream, wanting to shout, maybe even wanting to cry.   Just wanting to finish my Best Intentions.   Next week is a new week.   Maybe then it will all become clear.  I can only hope and add that to my Best Intentions.

Maybe its okay?

Yesterday I reflected on a posting of a LifeCoach who is in one of my LinkedIn networks. (Janna Rust - Posted on 6/29). I first read this post back at the end of June when I was still trying to figure out just what I had done and what it meant. I think my recent "restlessness" caused me to revisit this and remind myself that this is all a process.

Here is an excerpt from the post that is most relevant to me NOW:

Some people are afraid to search for meaning in their lives because they will have to do something with their discovery. After all, something happens inside us when we finally uncover the purpose for our lives...what we were born to do.

Suddenly, we realize we need to redeem the time ahead of us. Envisioning our purpose or "promised land" puts us in an interesting position because we find ourselves between the "here" and the "there". We know where we are and yet we see how things could be. Tension builds and we face our moment of truth.

Okay - so this really kind of hit me. I know I'm okay with discovering my purpose, my whole point IS that. But again - how am I going to know what it is? Note the last sentence "Tension builds". That's what I am feeling!!!! So, does this mean I am at a point of figuring it all out? (I don't feel like I am.) Or, am I continuing somewhere between "here and there"? I think its the latter - but what's helping me is the realization that this feeling is okay; it seems to be something expected.

So like I said yesterday, I need to chill and be open to whatever path is laid before me. I have to have faith that I will know if this is the "true" path and not simply a distraction. In the meantime, I am going to organize another room or closet.

What's Next

I've had the strangest feeling the past week or so and its getting worse.  Its like there's a deadline looming or something is supposed to be finished - the problem is I have no idea what it is!!    I keep wondering if it has something to do with school getting ready to start.  Or maybe that I finished the 5k and so now what do I do with my running.   There were other things on my list as well (music, teaching, etc.) that I haven't attempted yet either.   The feeling is freaking me out some because it feels like the pressure I used to feel in my job.

So I think what I want to focus on is what exactly have I done these past two months - instead of what 's waiting out there for me.

• I resigned from a job with my integrity intact
• I established a running routine and ran my first 5k
• I activated my real estate license and wrote two contracts
• I started this blog
• I took our boat out without my husband (and its not totalled!)
• I met up with friends I haven't seen in over 20 years
• I've taken over the planning and cooking of dinners (verdict is still out on how successful this is!)
• I've  started reorganizing our home, room by room.
• I've researched over 20 home based businesses (nothing has made the cut yet!) but I keep stumbling onto things I think would be perfect for other people!

I am not sure how I feel about this list as I read back over it.  I think some things are pretty remarkable (run the 5k).  But, again, this feeling of something else is hovering over me.  I want it to go away!!  

 So I am going to take a deep breath, and focus on just being.   Being myself, being a good wife, mother and friend.  Then I am going to focus on continuing my new good habits (running and organizing), expanding my real estate business (which should bring in some income!  Wonderful Man is smiling I think) and finding that spiritual side of life which will help me to dive into the meaning.  I still think there is something I am supposed to be doing....and I'm worried that God is being too subtle.   I am going to try and allow myself the freedom to not worry, just be and open my heart to what it is I am supposed to do with my life next.

Ten Things I've Learned in Two Months

10. Afternoons at the pool are fun.  :D
9.  There's a lot of satisfaction in cleaning your home.
8.  The satisfaction is short lived because its only clean for about 10 minutes!
7.   When faced with a long-term crisis, build a support team.  
6.  Support will also come from those you least expect - so be watchful.
5.  Turn negatives into positives.  If you look hard enough, there's always a bright side....somewhere.
4.  I am pretty sure my instincts about the kitchen all these years were right.   Its just not a place I belong!
3.  Removing clutter and unneeded items is very freeing. I SO recommend this one!!!
2.  Make lists - tasks, goals, etc - but actually do the items on the list!
1.  Keep faith and family at the top.  Trust that they will see you through.

These past two months have provided an opportunity to gain perspective and re-assess my life.   Its re-affirmed my love and trust in my family (especially Wonderful Man!).    I now have goals that are about ME (and those I love).    I am confident and have faith that these next months are going to be even better.

Green in a Sea of Pink

Image via Wikipedia

So this whole thing is about re-discovery:   hopefully it was not too late for me to introduce healthier habits and meaning into a simplified life.  Yesterday, I discovered that I CAN do a lot in a short time.   21-days ago I started a running program (3 weeks to a 30 minute running Habit  (http://running.about.com).    While its not intended to end with a 5k - I seem to have issues with following intensions - I finished it by participating in the Race for the Cure, a last minute decision.   Reports indicate that over 27,000 people were registered with $1 million raised in support of breast cancer education and treatment.

The part of this about me:  Its been two months (to the day!) that I resigned.   I am doing things I never thought I would.  After only three weeks of training, I ran my first 5k.   My goal was to finish it running - and I did (thanks to the support of great friends and "First" means there's more to come!")  Understanding my life prior to doing this, its a big accomplishment for me!  I went with a great group, seven total including Wonderful Man who registered at last minute.   One friend stayed with me the whole time and another who had already finished ran the last stretch with us, encouraging me not to stop because believe me, my body wanted to!  We had a great time and I thank them with all my heart  They inspire me to continue.

BUT yesterday wasn't about me.  Yesterday was about people coming together in a united effort to support a cause that affects everyone:  statistics show 1 in 8 women are diagnosed with breast cancer.  Men and women participated, young and old.   It was exciting to see people rallying around their friends and family in an atmosphere of hope, celebration and sometimes, remembrance.  "Hope" as we saw the survivors in their bright pink shirts, a shining example of progress.   "Remembrance" in the names people wore on their backs of a loved ones.    As this wasn't a planned event for me, I didn't have all the details - but had I known, I would have had a name on my back as well.   A good friend's mother lost this battle.   She was a special person to me during my teenage years, someone I could talk and laugh with.   Having teenagers myself I know this is not really the norm.   She was someone who loved life and it showed in everything she did.   I will never forget her.   And so while her name was not on my back, she was in my heart yesterday.  I think she was looking down and saying "Well come on now - what are you waiting for!!!   And she would be laughing.   Thanks, Doris, for all you did for me - I wish we could have done more for you.

One in our group made the comment that we all have the choice to keep running or stop, but that those fighting this disease don't have the choice to stop - they must keep fighting.   So we will keep running for loved ones and strangers until everyone who is diagnosed is guaranteed a bright pink shirt!   Please support this fantastic cause when asked or participate in some capacity in the next Race for the Cure.  This is meaningful - this has purpose.