Participation Required

In my struggle with Faith and what it means in my life, I am starting to realize that maybe there are no coincidences.  Those in our path are put there with purpose.   Those in our path are human and even though I feel they are further along in their journey, they are still just human and should be held to no higher standard than that.   And, because they are human they possess the capacity to forgive and allow others their transgressions.   We all possess that capacity; its whether we use it or not.    I think I am able to forgive.    What I failed to see, perhaps, was my purpose and responsibility as a friend.  To question and discuss my feelings, to point out a potential misstep.  Instead, I withdraw; thinking, analyzing, but not doing.    In other words, I must participate in the process.

Have a blessed Thanksgiving!

Side Note:  We have mixed blessings this week.   Boy2 is part of an undefeated high school football team that will continue their quest this weekend to win a state championship.  Truly a remarkable group of young men who have works very hard and are focused on the "end game" - LITERALLY!   Because of this, however, we are unable to travel this week to be with family.   We will miss them very much!
GO WILDCATS!!!!    WIN STATE!!!!!!

I Am Thankful For....

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So just like in school where we had to write what we were thankful for, here's my list (not complete I am sure!)

• The Wonderful Man I married and those Boys who remind me what it was (is?) to dream.
• Family and continued good health for same.
• Friends who put up with me and support me.
• Second chances.
• The opportunity to re-invent my life, to focus on more than just working.
• Past (Reconnecting), Present (Not Taken for Granted) and Future (Open to Whatever!)
• I'm thankful that I don't wait until Thanksgiving to remember and praise what I am thankful for.  I try to do this each and every day!
• Wildcat Football!    WIN STATE!!!!!

Hypocrisy vs. Faith

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Wonderful evening yesterday with my oldest son.  It was truly a blessing to share some time with him.  The conversation took many paths, and at one point veered to religion.  He gave a poignant description of what he sees as hypocrisy amongst many Christians that he knows.   This is a very bright young man and what he described could not be argued with.

I've mentioned here that I struggle with my faith:  it is very deep inside me and yet publicly I am a "fringe player".   I dance on the edges of committing outwardly to any church.    This past couple of months I spent in a women's bible study took me as close as I've ever come and brought a new and vivid understanding to me.  And yet, I still don't commit.   Last night as I was struggling with some recent events, my son's words came back to me, and I have to wonder if this isn't what is stopping me.

TO BE VERY CLEAR, I am a person filled with MANY faults and am in no way a model of Christian behavior.  So I am not trying to be self-righteous but am trying to understand what it means to my life to actually commit.  And a way to do that is to examine those who wear their faith so boldly.  I am fortunate to witness many, many people who are truly good, and that I know I will be lucky if I show 1/10 of their goodness in my life.   But its those closest to us who sometimes have the most influence.  And its not always a good thing.

 A friendship (acquaintance might be a better word now!) has left me questioning what it means to be a committed Christian.     Last year after removing myself from a study group because of behavior that seemed downright hypocritical to the very purpose of the group, a dear friend who was not involved in the group reminded me that I had no right to judge anyone or expect a behavior; we are all human, and thus by definition imperfect and our role should be one of forgiveness.   Very true, and so I realized that I should not tie up my faith around a friendship.  They should be separate and perhaps a strong argument as to why anyone exploring their faith should not do so with friends!    But move forward a year and I am again struggling with this same thing.  

So what to do with what I view as hypocrisy?   First is to determine if it really is that.  By definition

Hypocrisy is the state of pretending to have beliefs, opinions, virtues, feelings, qualities, or standards that one does not actually have. Hypocrisy involves the deception of others and is thus a kind of lie.   

So is the behavior hypocritical or simply a human failing, which we all have!   I think it comes down to whether there is a conscious effort to deceive and is it a situation of someone setting standards for others and publicly criticizing their downfall, yet their own behavior is somehow exempt.   That's my struggle.

My next thought was:  Does this person's actions turn me away from my Faith?   NO, ABSOLUTELY POSITIVELY NO.    My beliefs and underlying feelings are far too deep for that.   I pray every morning that in some way I will provide some good to someone else in an unplanned way.   

Then, Is this enough to turn me away from organized religion?    Not sure, possible but not probable.

And lastly, Is this enough to turn me away from a place I was considering as a church home?   Very Likely.   And this is the saddest part of all, because as far as I've come, I may not go any further.